It's not that we don't like the idea of all of the above. It's that I become so dysregulsted getting there, that my behavior is no fun and possibly kinda creepy. Or let's say I'm in the zone, with a room full of people who set me up to hit a home run over and over again, and everything goes as planned or even better. I'm still spent for the next month. Like I need 3 buckets by my bed.
But for me, it's always been this way. Actually, I leave the house an impressive amount. There's lots of rest. I think autism can be a disability (disability defined as: makes it impossible to support myself working). It's a disability bc there is exponential rest requirements.
My thing was baking: chemistry, color theory (piping) , mixed media, precision, architecture in packaging, sourcing, data, acquiring and collecting pans.
But every time I am especially proud of something, everyone thinks everything I've ever made is store bought. Then everything about me is a lie. I didn't know anyone knew anything about me, I know nothing about everyone. And my jam star sandwich cookies have become evidence for my lack of morals.
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And that's why I compare my autism to cerebral palsy. Not in that we share accommodations, yet we inconvenience society similarly.
At Constitutional Law camp, the other kids were legacy prep kids. If not legacy, only bc women weren't educated in your fam, but unc went here. He was a dei, and I was a dad paid twice. He was the best reader, citer, debater. I couldn't speak when called upon bc I raised my hand. He did everything everyone else did, and better than most, at Constitutional Law camp, where tuition was $4500 and r/b $3000, for 6 weeks.
But one day, we went on a promenade to the Brooklyn bridge. Yes, 110th to Dumbo is a hike for anyone, but afterwards he had to go to the hospital for a week and the rest of camp from his room or electric wheelchair. That promenade is like me at one of my family's banquets. I can do it, possibly well, bc I'm used to gritting through a lot worse, but I will pay for months bc of one evening.
