I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm the Boogeyman.
Oh, and it is my bad for not defining wealthy. I meant like the Queen of England asks to borrow sort of wealthy. Anyone with assets ≤ $1,999,999,999 cannot directly effect healthcare, education, clean water.
Point of clarification: them = ableist
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Right side - everything is light gray/blind, except for if I make a 🖐️ at arm's length, I can see one fingertip, if the lighting is coming from behind me. No correction needed, during cataract surgery I received a -6.0 lens implant.
Left has patches of 20-20 with correction, narrowed field of vision.
Imagine looking at the world through a telescope. How familiar are you with telescopes? Main feature being you have to know what you're looking for, know where to point, then focus, then hold steady.
GMail is 20 years of familiarization, so it's easy.
YouTube is easy.
Sites with 90's style popups and their nearly invisible close window 'x' can cause me to give up on life for days. From a combination of eye strain, headache, and sadness. Its been 5 years, since my first torn retina, and I still feel much regret. This was preventable. If I had just taken better care of my diabetes, if I had prioritized paying for labs meds and supplies. As a dog sitter, if I paid for my dogs' grooming, instead of doing it myself (bathing your dog is a fantastic way to build trust; my shoulder height claw foot soaking tub was vital self care). Only if I had passed on working with quadriplegic individuals who refuse walkers (she was a unicorn: sooo sweet yet streetsmart, and her family were incredibly involved. And at the time, I loved her spirit for refusing a walker.)
Paperwork is exhausting. Imagine filling out a form on a4, but you're peering at the page through a toilet paper roll, and you've got light sensitivity and -8.25 myopia. I appear a super slow reader and I never knew my ego depended on being a fast reader. All forms are unintentionally incomplete.
Vision is mostly memory. It feels personal when items are moved around. BC I got my first pair of glasses at the end of 3rd grade at -4.5, I habitually squinted even when I had both eyes. Someone once described my face as 'constipated, trying to sh*t out an image through a dry a**hole.' I imagine I squint even more these days.
I had a vitreous hemorrhage late Spring, after a long weekend of putting together 8 IKEA cabinets and hiking the awkward and massive cardboard to the recycling center across the complex through the grassy hills. IDK how my macular edema is. a1c of 8.5+ all year. I haven't gone for an exam, nor laser coagulation bc I think both eye hospitals hate me for attending throughout ALL of Covid (literally, first vitrectomy was 3/07/2020). I hope next year, with marketplace insurance, I can properly pay a hospital system.
Most appointments don't involve getting frisked and yelled at. And they're amazing, they saved my vision, during Covid. I had 3 eye surgeries, all during Covid. The brave providers are extraordinarily progressive and understand my neurodivergence better than I. But when it's kinda tense with prejudice and fear, and prone to hurtful misunderstanding, I am triggered and activated for months.
To the people afraid of me, it's not their fault. I wore all black for a while bc i is t hides stains. I can't see grease stains anymore. And I'd inexplicably gained 60lbs in a year, and didn't know when I'd stop gaining, so everything was two sizes too big baggy.
I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm the Boogeyman.
Oh, and it is my bad for not defining wealthy. I meant like the Queen of England asks to borrow sort of wealthy. Anyone with assets ≤ $1,999,999,999 cannot directly influence healthcare, education, clean water. I was NOT blaming you guys. We're in the same boat. In Korean there's a saying, like spitting into the air lying on your back. Don't. Why would anyone but an idiot?
