one last thing

Oh, and! I'm not saying breastmilk is or isn't gross (breast milk 40 years ago is why I'm still ticking with sass). But how is it that I'll drink cow breastmilk at brunch surrounded by my friends and neighbors and it's like not noteworthy, a calf is on formula for my benefit.  I'm sorry, I've tried all of the almonds, pistachio, gum free coconut, ripple, oat, goat, filbert, cashew.  They're all delicious.  I revert back to cow bc its the cheapest and most delicious.  I feel weird about the calf.  I don't eat much veal.

Now, back to our scheduled programming.

If I hadn't been lied to, over and over again, when I asked, "is she my real mom?" Then punished for being a horrible girl to think such horrible thoughts - I might have had some self confidence, esteem in my own instinct, the ability to say "stop".

Why not aunt, ex-wife.  Say my mom died, say she was locked up abroad for going crazy.  Employee as babysitter, employee as aunt, employee stepmother...but birthmother?  Wtf.  The mom slot is sacred.  I was deprived my grain of salt, and as a result, I'm fucked avoidant.

Especially bc she publicly expressed I refused to accept the truth bc I'm deranged.

Yes yes, better late than never, one-jillion-percent, praise Amy.  Is it ok if I live my life so I never happen again?  If my birthmother had the option to, she would have done what is most loving, swallowed a tablet and terminated pregnancy, and saved all of us the grief of me.  I have no coping skills.  Until 9th grade, if I pouted I was sedated until the next day.  Sedated with my after school snack until 4th grade.  It's plain cruel how I've been left without any way to self soothe other than juice.  

#diabetesamiright

#prochoiceisprolife