Helen
Stella
Megan
Rocco
Jason
Though I didn't love them back, despite being activated and triggered, I tried to them with care bc love is precious. But huh? They laughed at me for believing them, therefore I deserve to be lied to, and they deserve to get paid for doing Jen's bidding. My standard was, love doesn't feel good, it felt like a foster child.
Then there's Suzanne who wanted me at the cheapest motel for the week my apt flooded during Christmas, waited for me in the pitch black dark hail to hug me from my blind side and say, 'i love you'. Jump scare unintentional. Idk how, but I feel Suzanne's motel/jump scare is like tactical and the same style of Megan, Stella.
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I still believe in love. I still believe love is not earned, it is precious and cherished. I think it's perfectly fine, I refused to accept the possibility, individuals call their behavior love, in order to maintain a paycheck. I think it's sad these individuals didn't choose fun activities, but instead orchestrated gaslighting, bc they doubted I would continue to spend time with them, within my window of tolerance.
