In 2003, Stella and Helen, two classmates who became Stephmother's paid minions, call me once a week asking if I've been tested for STD. I was a virgin for half of 2003, tested clean, but I still got tested once a month. Stella, Helen, and then Sarah and Jen ask about HPV during winter break. I'm still a virgin. G had been going down on me, can I get it that way? Both Stella and Helen describe the cauliflower resemblance, not helpful bc I will prepare raw veg for the first time in 2008. After the girls stop with the STD phone calls, I'm still obsessed with safety and testing. For much of my life I test before and after every time I had contact, and save the report jic there's an epidemic and I need to prove my innocence. Scapegoat trauma, am I right?
G, my first partner says he tested negative. CeF my 2nd partner says that HPV is primarily a female thing. Men can get warts but can go asymptomatic. Unless they biopsy a patch of wartless penis skin, there's no way of knowing. CeF's fam owns all academic research labs in NC, so I trust him. I call G, he admits he lied about getting tested at all. It's very invasive to get tested and he knew he didn't have it.
For the next twenty years I can only have sex if I am completely disassociated. Good guys hate when I go zombie. There is a type of guy who loves a catatonic hole wailing like a whoopie cushion.
Anyways, last year I figure out why the girls were so interested in HPV, 25 years ago. Instead of Stephmother calling me and telling me about her experience with beating deadly cancer, and how I might avoid it, dear loving stepmother convinces people I normally have no interaction with to save me from my promiscuous behavior, how to recognize cauliflowers on my lips, and why not burn them off at home.
Soooo that is why Steph has called me a prostitute my whole life.
Suzanne also introduces people by saying, "that is xxxx, she is a slut."
How do you know?
"You can tell by how she dresses, that's why she's popular."
Let me remind you that's how she met dad and he tried to Pretty Woman her and then Steph stole dad. I swear, Tabor Road girls brought up coastal Amish.
