It feels like Jessica Hong's mother screamed at me on Tuesday. On Thursday, Sarah Moon says, "and no one stopped her. Even Ms Pak, the owner's wife came out twice, and she didn't say anything. We all sat on the wall of the planter and said nothing. Jenn An and Pam Lee would follow you into the bathroom, giving you no alone time to cry, though you begged for a moment to catch your breath. You know they were laughing at you while they screamed 'are you ok, why are you crying' from the hallway."
Later in the day on Thursday, Ms. Pak is substituting for the instructor. For 20 minutes she tries to eat a bagel with cream cheese. She never manages to take a bite. As she pulls apart the halves and presses the bagel together, squishing the cream cheese in disgust, staring into my soul as she says, "this is why Americans are so fat, all they eat is bread and cheese".
I had turned 12 on Tuesday.
I was still sedated all weekend and every holiday.
I don't know how I'm still alive.
You know the burns on my right arm? I never felt it as it were happening. I'd watch as if it were one of those surgery programs. Gross, but can't look away. The healing of a 2nd degree burn on my dominant arm with zero antiseptic nor bandages was beautiful. The body is capable of making flesh every color in the rainbow. There are dozens of viscosity in fluids that body employs. And the various fluids all dry into something structural and protective.
Problem was i'd scratch it all off in my sleep, so itchy!
Today feels like the Friday after the Thursday people who eat bread and cheese are so fat.
For two years, I ate a Lender's bagel with one slice of American microwaved for 50 seconds, once a day, that's it. I had purged for three years. I couldn't get any thinner, I'll always have a belly from a core built like a crushed soda can.
